End of all that was before
End of all that ever could be ahead.
The end makes me bitter
And calms my tired self.

This low
Is one that has reached
That lifeless native
Delving -
Living off the self created pool of misery.

Elation is born out
Of the storm that
Feeds itself and sustains.

Bitter and sugary
Being in this being.
Sorrow is the new abode
For a monstrous gale of
Over whelming
Joy.

Hide and watch.
Smile and dodge,
Blush and hide
The hands gently slide.

Thousand stolen glances
Missed a million more chances,
Faces and voices swim around
Incomprehension's build and surround,
Simple seem the conversations,
Put together with wordless patience.

Secret is an open one.
Blind are we, the rest, none.
Ignorance is a mask we choose,
Behind that frame, we often let loose!





.

It creeps up to me.
The shadow follows me,
Slithering upon me
It is a disease.
Plaguing through my veins and bones.
Inside my vessels it groans,
For mine it not belongs to.
And that someone
Basking in the glory of
Constant admiration.
It takes us away.
On the pedestal it puts,
The clock consumes all the time-
that someone’s endless, mine stops all the while.

I hide my pangs,
I cover my eyes,
They give me away,
The fluous feelings, \
They never stay,
They’re snitches,
That’s their only way,
Their constant source of joy

JEALOUSY.
It spreads it’s webs,
Wraps it around me.
Like a warm blanket.
My only respite.
They comfort me
Jealous, yes.
But to the world
The peaceful co-existence persists.

Façade of affection.
Below brims the fire

Love transcends all relationships,
the inception of curiosity,
between fidelity and infidelity,
do they really breed animosity?

Rift,
between me and my soul,
he touched me where it hurts the most-my heart,
that beats within,
everything goes whooshing by,
it still remains the host.

My soul quenched already
why then does it desire for more?
All of this and more,
Am I a part of those questions,
or am I one, in my core?

I love him,
I need the other.
I am satisfied by one,
the other creates the hunger.

My goal is one,
my journey the other.
One brushed my hair,
it's caressed by the other.

He is that perfection,
the other completes the counter.
My hand belongs to one,
the lines belong to the other.

Breaking through my boundaries,
face to face with that me,
that hides in those deep dark corners,
uninhibited, happy and free.

They say I'm crazy,
they say I'm mad.
I am all that they say,
I am all that they shan't.

Love in all it's omnipotence,
still remains my only constant.
The ambiguity and white lies,
cloaking the ecstasy of it,
me dangling with it
with the crooked knife of
complications.

SEPTEMBER, you truly are my Everest.

Intoxication does good.

To a few. Consciousness,of one's surroundings. Specifically people. Especially, person. A particular one, at times. Induced joviality. And responsiveness.

Normal feels good at times.

Normal, being not very common.

Incapability, some experience, without the symbiotic relationship.

I'm quite the opposite.

Which is why, sometimes I feel. GiFTED! ;)

My diary had a sad demise. 
A ruthless murder, by my own hands.
For crimes that I understand not. It was as innocent as could be. 
FALSE. 
The early signs of 'growing up', the new found love, the stories of normalcy and it's counter, the tears and joy, all together.
It was me.
And I murdered myself. 
The other half is torn apart too, inside of me. Juggling and struggling between individuality and morality.
Between the storm and the great silent sea,

 all thrusting between those fingers, waiting to be unleashed.
Of wanting to tread upon those terroteries, 
where the lust of words never heard, asking to string together that world of forbidden charm, 
and those experiences, calling out, to be discovered.
My belly full of unsatisfied desires and thoughts painted on that canvas of my conscious and unconscious, 
both , 
wanting to be understood.
Words turned hostile, backstabbed my emotions, a friend turned enemy, a snitch.
Pulled out those pages,for years who comforted me, 
now stank, 
of betrayal, and I left,
misunderstood.
Misunderstood for more than I had done.
For more than I had ever imagined. 
The mind too, has limits; 
deliberate boundaries, drawn , purposefully. 
Forcing, the fickle feelings under the covers.
Thrashing through my veins, they found refuge, finally, on the pure white frame.
My diary.
MY friend. 
MY lover.
My being.
All wasted away.
All stabbed, those fingers blotched with the words, oozing out of that creation, 
that made me, ME.. 
Belittled, my esteem. 
All gone.
Cornered.
Eyes stung with shock,
and heart blackned. 
With shame. 
With remorse.
And the murder, again.
Wrong, were not the words, nor the penholder.
Wrong was none.
Or were all.
Wrong was I, to flow with the vanity.And the untruths.
But not wrong was I , again. 
Loved to be loved. 
No approvals. Nor disapprovals. Just silence. Of understanding.
The life of a confidant , short lived.
But it lives on, in that minute corner, between dreams and reality,
between me and I,
between the wrong and rights. 
That one creation, a friend first.
An open secret later. 
But a foe? 
Never.

It's been a while since we talked.
And listened.

It's been a while since those laughs resounded, and the cold anger simmered, within the world of our 'togetherness'.

It's been a while since we flirted. And you confessed about that love, which was elsewhere.

It's been a while since we shared things which were beyond secrets, the normality of our lives, the scams and screams ,the usual greetings
And the silence.

It's been a while since I smiled, with your picture, in my eyes, and those complications, so beautiful.

It's been a while since you made me meet, that I was away from, my part, my dormant self.

It's been a while since I mused over out times together, those treacherous eyes, and the unsaid words, lingering between us , making us shiver, of what was to come, and what had been left behind.

It's been a while since I saw those untruths, those false promises and your wanderings, all floating through my silenced self, with the churning inside, and the smile, still.

I'm still, the smile, the thoughts, all woven together, standing at the alter.

I've been raided, of what I deserved, but my faith and God, still by my side.

I need nothing, I have nothing.
And this state of being, is everything.